In 2026, learn to say no without guilt, writes Reeta Ramamurthy Gupta

In 2026, quit saying yes when you want to say no.

I chanced upon Dr Julie Smith first on Twitter. “One of the biggest mistakes people make when working on big change is underestimating the power of those small, consistent actions that embed us in a new way of living. If we can focus on the small, daily steps in the process, the results start to take care of themselves,” she explained.

No magic potion then- because social media would like us to believe that 'change is easy'. Intrigued, I bought her book- ‘OPEN WHEN’- one of the most ‘personally written’ books of the last year. I discovered that Dr. Julie Smith was already a known name, for ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’

We are timing this column today, because almost all of you are now back to work for 2026. And we want to share a few useful quotes from the book, for those moments when you will be tempted to say yes, when you actually want to say no! At #BookStrapping, we believe that books make our lives richer and want to help you NOT repeat the patterns of the previous years; those that left a bad taste in your mouth. Here are our top five #BookStrapping quotes from ‘OPEN WHEN…’

1. You’re going to need the tools to stand up for yourself and make your voice heard, so that you’re not simply railroaded by someone else who did learn how to advocate for themselves and whose self-worth is not predicated on always being the ‘nice person.’….You will need the courage and skills to advocate for yourself once in a while. Without doing that, adult relationships will prove dangerous.

2. “Social comparison is a strength — until you apply it to the wrong situation,” I heard Dr Julie Smith speaking to author Mark Manson on his podcast. In the book, she explains further, "Comparison thwarts connection because it suggests that their success is your failure and carves out a path towards resentment and bitterness, that comes between you."

3. Saying ‘yes’ when we want to say no is an emotional trade off. We don’t want to carry the guilt, so we back down and that small dose of resentment that we are left with, feels like a smaller price to pay- for a while. But every time we trade guilt for resentment, the weight of that resentment gets gets a little heavier. It doesn’t dissolve and it doesn’t disappear.

4. One way to communicate assertively- Try to state your understating of the situation with as much neutrality and objectivity as possible to avoid pitting the other person into a defensive position. Its ok to state how you feel about it, but stay very specific to the situation and to concrete behavior.

5. When you’re saying no- don’t tiptoe around the issue. If their response is not positive and they persist in trying to encroach on the boundary you have asserted, or they start insulting you or trying to shout you down, stay focussed … Hold on to your prepared lines and don’t be afraid to repeat them as much as you need.

There are twenty six such situations that the author deals with in the book. For eg. 'When you hate who you’ve become’, ‘When you are overwhelmed’, ‘When you’re short on willpower' etc. Each of these, while not new, has a personal way of getting across to the reader. And that is Dr. Julie Smith’s greatest strength.

Summing up, here’s a message from ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ “When you start to be unapologetically yourself, there will be people who disapprove or even leave. The ones who are left are often the most meaningful and fulfilling relationships.”

Let this be your mantra in 2026.

Reeta Ramamurthy Gupta is a columnist and bestselling biographer. She is credited with the internationally acclaimed Red Dot Experiment, a decadal six-nation study on how ‘culture impacts communication.’ Asia's first reading coach, you can find her on Instagram @OfficialReetaGupta.